Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
