When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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