So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
