Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
