Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
