i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
