you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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