Betty ford says i'm here all night
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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