So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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