i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
