I can text with my tongue
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
