Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
