was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
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DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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