oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
