i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
