I wish you could order shots online.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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