Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
