my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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