well you can't waste a boner
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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