It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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