Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
