i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
