what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
