I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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