Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
