I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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