Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
