His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
