i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
