I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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