I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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