i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
