Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hippo gnu deer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
