So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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