Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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