I think I won the penis lottery.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
