My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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