Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
