dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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