I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
