I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
