so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
