so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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