he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We have started to decorate penises.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
