I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
