My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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