C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
