If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
