just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
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Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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