i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I will be naked everywhere
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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