thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
