Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
