dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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