I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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