Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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