put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
it's great music for shaving your balls
She bit a glass in half.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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