you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I will be naked everywhere
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
