I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
