apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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