my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
