i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
