she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
