I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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