I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
