Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
