we're blogging at a bar
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
