Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
